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starting over
jenn
I made a comment recently that this might be the first time in 10 years that I've completely moved into somewhere I was living. No half-unpacked boxes lurking here and there; things are put away on shelves and in drawers; furniture is actually arranged and not just placed. For 10 years my life was being poised to move again, soon.

A decision was made to stay here, for an indefinite period of time, and I unpacked all of my boxes. But as I look around my apartment, I realize that things are only "put away" in the sense that they are just put somewhere. Things went on shelves and in drawers without any thought or deeper understanding as to why.

I'm playing house in my own house. I'm making the motions of a life by mimicking what I've seen through the windows.

It's fucking depressing.

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I'm making the motions of a life by mimicking what I've seen through the windows.

Don't sweat it. You're just out of practice. After a while, you won't be mimicking any more. The trick is in knowing when you're living.

I think it's pretty normal for it to start out that way...I know I started that way after J and I broke up. It took at least a year to really feel like I was living a real life.

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