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blowing things up
every time i think i'm getting my life together, i start ripping it apart again.

i think this is because the life i'm putting together is never really mine.

somebody asked me why, asked me twice, and i couldn't answer either time. i had to just close my eyes and not voice all the nonsense that's running around my head. i like you; i don't want you to see how crazy i really am.

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I used to think that the best life was one you built together with someone else. I'm learning that the smarter road is building your own life, and if you find someone you can share bits and pieces of it with that's cool. But most of the bits and pieces should be yours.

I think you're right. I have/had a bad habit of tailoring my life to whoever I was dating or friends with, since I float around so much and it was the easiest and quickest way to fit in. It inevitably starts to unravel, though, since it's not really me, and then I start thrashing around breaking everything.

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